Photobucket I have said to much

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You hold the golden ticket

So Tony went snowmobiling with the boys and I have Hannah.Had a playdat with Melissa...that was cancceled.We went ther anyways.They went to Joeys.Here I sit.I never thought I would love a lap top so much.I started a fire tonight and have my beers by my feet....got some smokes and am going to enjoy myself.I guess. I miss my freedom.Yet...when should you grow up?Finding Josh and Mark on facebook stirred up old memories.I know I do it to myself...yet i am lonely.Saturday night and here I sit by myself...while I could be out.I dont know what I feel about the freedom.If I didnt have Hannah..I would be out with Melissa and Dale.Fun times.I am sure.Instead I sit here as a grown up and wish things were different.Different because I sit alone.I have everything.I sit here and i look at my yard...my fire..listen to my speakers from the garage and I wish for more...yet I always had less.And less is what I want I guess.I like having Hannah and I like acting as though I have this different life,but I miss having the freedom of doing what I want.I want to be able to hang out when I can...and have my friends understand that I am not the same... I want my friends back.Kindof hard when you have found half of your friends in a bar.I miss it.Laughing.Being with people.I have the most wonderful guy and love what he has shown me and given me...but the freedom?I think I need that.Funny though.I invited Melissa and Dale over.They might call.After bar closing.When I am asleep...and wasent I like that?Always wanted to spend my time in the bar and not at peoples houses?Not until bar closing at lease.I pretended tonight that Hannah was mine,and what I did tonight would be what I would do if she was mine.But she didnt pretend so it didnt work out.Soft voices were in my ear half the night about when we were going to keave and I am quite fucking tired hearing about Justine Beiber.Hes ugly anyways and I think she needs to calm down.I was never a mom to a girl so what the fuck would I know anyways?I do what I can..and this is what I would do if she was mine.I would be sitting at home doing just as I am because I have no choice.Tony is off with the boys and his fat brother and his wife and friends and wives and girlfriends....and I sit here with nothing,But thats okay.That hes with friends and girlfriends and wives and I sit here doing nothing...but wondering what it would like to be like once again to have the freedom he has now .

9:41 p.m. - 2010-02-27

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry