Photobucket I have said to much

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sailing away

I am starting fresh on Monday.I have gained quite a bit of weight.I look like I am pregnant if I push out my stomache.What happened to that nice slim look I was doin for a while?I quit the Olive Garden.Just said fuck it.I am tired of being a slave to peoples eating habits.The new job is a bit boring but less stressful.The kid got 9 months probation.Could have went worse.He starts drivers ed which I am happy for.I cant believe he is turning 16 soon.So monday I do it all.Start being happy again and work my ass off.I have no other choice.I am tired of feeling like this and going up and coming right back down with my feelings.I found Josh on facebook again.I know that he went undercover so I wouldnt find him...I stared at his picture.Felt something.Felt ....a smile in my gut.We werent for each other.But we were good friends.His picture reminded me of all of the times we shared.And how I wish he could see how far I have gotten.But thats over now.I do havetosee Kyle sometime.Its been a while ...I got the book that I was published in.I took it to the gym with me and when I read my letter to him..I worked harder..but it felt good.I also found Mark on facebook.I didnt remember what he looked like..he i one of Joshs friends ..and it made me think...Do they talk?Did they ever bring me up?What did they say?I dont miss that life anymore.I have a great thing right now.I dont pop the pills and actually I have had some diet pills for quite some time now and although I should use them..I just dont need them.Those people that I had in my life?I needed certain things,but I still like to remind myself once in a while of a past I am always trying to forget,yet always being reminded of.

9:22 a.m. - 2010-02-26

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