Photobucket I have said to much

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bible class

What are you soppuse to do when you are saved?HAvent I always wanted somebody...anybody to save me?And here I sit...with the whole god damn world in my hands.He is buying a house....not for me but for OUR FAMILY.Here is this guy that busts his ass for me.And here I sit...stoned and drunk.I love this guy yet my anexity is is causing problems.My drunken days and my pilled fill days that I have once had ...its filling whatever void I need to fill.And what void do I need to fucking fill?This guy is my everything...and in a way...its still not enough.WHY?He deserves more and he deserves better and I CAN NOT FIX THAT right now because im selfish and he is giving me a home and a family and he is the best guy I have ever had in my life...........and here I sit.With my digatel camera that he bought me....with my whole life on fast foward.Ever do that?GO THROUGH YOUR CAMERA ON FAST FORWARD?Yea..try it.Its like your whole life is passing by.He tells me that I deserve to be happy..I tell him that I am.And I am.For the most part.Ive been saved.And I love him.I just dont know what I am soppuse to do now.

11:36 p.m. - 2009-10-17

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