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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a string of stress Theres this problem...you see...we are trying to figure out how to get a house.We looked at one around the corner from us and it was a nice house...real homey feeling and it had a nice basement that we could put 2 extra bedrooms in and a fucking fantastic backyard.Fenced in and huge.The house was bright and the kitchen was cool.A bit over priced though.Yet...the kids could actually ride their bikes out on the street,and have a good sized yard to play in.And theres this other one....priced good,it says 3 bedrooms yet has an "extra" room and a rec room down in the basement that could be used as a bedroom.The yard isnt fenced in...yet it is a nice yard,the kids would not be able to ride their bikes on the street and...and ..its across the street from the ex wife.Yet the up part of it...is of course the rooms and the price and..AND..the kids could go to their moms after school instead of coming to the house and wait for her like they do now.I have a bit of an issue with that because Tony isnt home from work when they get home.I am sometimes but whatever.And you see...Tony cant do anything after work because the kids are here even though its her day.So usually she just picks them up a couple hours after they get home and me?Well..i kindof dont think that its right.Now that she lives here and not in Kenosha...theres no reason for it.Before i understood because they went to school here,but now it all works funny because when they have no school,she will make sure that she drops them off in the morning or whatever since its Tonys day...yet...when its her day...they are still here and once again..Tony can ot make plans like...go to the gym after work because he hasto wait for her to pick up the kids.Its really not a big deal...yet its the point.So i dont know what to think of this house shit.I have no fucking money so it dosent really matter what i think.Yet I do like a fenced in back yard and I do like the idea of living on a street that the kids can ride their bikes and have a bit more freedom.I have gotten back on my gym thing and feel way better about myself,yet i need a fucking vacation away from everyone and everything.The house thing is stress...money is stress and the kids have been stress.So I started working my ass off at the gym to get rid of some of it.I started thinking about working more and more so i dont have all this fucking stress.I dont think that Tony understands that I am way to far independent to be dependent on him..I dont think he understands how I really feel about the things that go on in this house such as the breakfast deal in the morning.If his kid dosent have what he wants...he wont eat.One of his kids will eat all the good snacks in the box and leave the ones he dosent like...just to sit there...yet when they sit there...he wont eat them and I refuse to buy more until they are done and gone.Its all little things,but it gets to me sometimes and I fricken feel like screaming.Theres not much Tony can do..his ex wife makes sure of that.She also makes sure thather kids are spoiled just to make it harder on us.It makes me feel like shit.Theres always "I have a better one at my moms"or 'See my new puma socks".I mean fucking christ..I wont buy a 3 pack of socks for 10 bucks..I will buy a fucking pack of them for 6.I refuse to spend a great deal of money on things that will be out grown in 6 months or spend a great deal of money on something that they will always have something better of at their moms.But what we do in this house..I really think we do well.We do what we can and we do what we do.I will shop at thrift stores and find decent things and not tell the kids.I will skip food shopping for a week because the snacks that they all ate are gone...yet theres still food in the house.We do what we do very well and I do love that about us.Sometimes it just gets hard and stressful because you always want the best of things yet...what we have is the best.And its better then anything I have ever had. 1:39 p.m. - 2009-05-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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