|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- picture perfect for dreams He is going to set up an appointment to look at a house.And he talks about marriage and OUR family.And i have no clue why I do the things I do to him.He is the first guy that has ever treated me good and the only guy that has yet to hurt me.There are times when i do believe that he wishes he had more.And there are things that I do question...like his facebook status was on single.Until he saw me on there,yet I have done the same.So its no different yet I still question it in my head.Im forever waiting for him to hurt me and I am forever causing issues just to see if he will hurt me.And he never really does.We made it past a year,and I think I have gotten a bit better with alot of my issues.I dont pop any pills anymore but wish I still did.Why?Cause I never cared and it felt as though I was happier and healthier.I have put on enough weight to remind myself that last year was the only year I could ever wear a bikini top,Im going to work on that though and get my self esteem back up there.I drink to much when I do drink and really dont know how to just have a couple.Once I do start drinking,I either haveto finish my bottle or keep going with my cans until I know I can pass out.The drinking has gotten to the point where it just might get out of hand and sometimes I do worry about going out because of how i will act when I start getting drunk.But drinking has always been there,and I do actually do less of it now that i have moved away from all of my friends and dont hang out anymore.And you know what?I miss it at times...but really?Really...deep down...I dont miss it.I have lived my crazy life and I have done some pretty shitty things and I have done some really awesome things...maybe its just time to settle down.Maybe its time to start REALLY living. 11:03 a.m. - 2009-05-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||