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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- here we go I was suppose to lunch close at work...but didnt.Instead I went to the bar.My old stomping grounds,well...one of them.What made me do this?This morning I found out that Tony had a facebook deal.No big deal.But he didnt tell me about it.So FUCK IT.So how does my mind work?Fuck him and fuck his love.So I went to the bar,chatted and what not and on my way home?My legs went numb when I turned down our street.My hear pounded and I wanted to turn away.Instead,I walked inside the door and went up the stairs and said Hello to him,I lied and said I was taste testing wine at work.Secrets.Dont we all have them?Yea....we all do.But I was making a clean break.I wasent keeping things from this man.I wasent going to do this anymore.And here I am.Secrets.I went to the bar.And I am going to keep going to get that beer.You want secrets?I have many,yet I told you a handful.I trusted you.I thought that you were the one that we could share shit with.You want something of your own?Oh....oh boy so do I.You have no clue.I am beginning to think that maybe we were not meant to be,even though I want it.....secr5ets?Secrets do nothing but harm.I know this and you should to.I wanted nothing more today then to hang out like I useto and be free.Free of these damn secrets ...free of this stupid ass love I thought we shared.I just want to be okay and normal again without having to worry about shit.I want to sleep and I want to be thin.I want to have meaningless sex and work more.I want to do everything I want to do without him now.All because of what I found today.Pretty stupid right?No....not really.You know what I have sacrificed for this "love"?Yes...yes,I have a great guy,yes....he loves me....you know what I haveto give up?My dreams.My life.You know what I have given up for him?My dreams.My life.Until today,I really thought we shared something so fucking great ...so wonderful.And its all so stupid,yet,simple enough to put into words.Yet...yet....not simple enough to tell me.So ...so...fuck you.There arent to many secrets left in me to hide...but I as well can make them.And you know what sucks about it all?The trust.Today,today I will treat you as I would any one else and not give a flying fuck.Tomorrow,I just may do the same.Dont worry though my dear love,you'll like to fuck me and I will like to fuck you.Starting from these days on....I think I can fuck you.Fucking is meaningless...isnt that what you wanted any ways? 6:00 p.m. - 2009-04-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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