Photobucket I have said to much

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scattered pennies

I am confused and I am sad.My depression has totally taken over me and I WANT OUT.Nothing is fair what I am doing to Tony.He does not deserve what I put him through.He does not deserve what I say to him.He dosent deserve this at all.The thought of leaving has crossed my mind.Not because I dont love him,but because I love him and I dont want to tear him down with me any longer,yet,I dont want to leave.He is the best thing that has happened to me and I just dont know what to do anymore.About my feelings and my emotions ...about anything.Its not right.And today I haveto make a fucking choice.Either I stay or i leave.Either I accept all that he has given me and shown me or I throw it all away.Either I change,or I continue my secret fucking war with myself.But change is hard and I know I haveto pop a fucking pill everyday to make that change.I can pop that pill....but can i continue it?Can i actually stick with the change?

9:56 a.m. - 2009-03-27

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