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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A bottle full of me Sometimes everyone needs a good cry. I buried a box in the back yard and I have no idea if its a grave or a time capsule. The last time I put my past in abox,I threw it away...where will you put your past? So he went away to Michigan,and called me every chance he could get.I did get a bit annoyed.I hate texting when i am with people.Its like you are ignoring them,and then he called this morning and assumed that I would be awake since I went to bed early.I dont think he gets it.I sleep babe...I sleep.Its what I do and its what i like to do and its what I never get to do.I am not like her or the others.I sleep until I cant sleep anymore.And I stay up until all hours of the morning and I am just not like the rest of them.I like to go to bed when the sun comes up.Me and you?I am starting to think that we are way to different for each other.I dont need as much as you do.Maybe I am just being drunk,but being away from you has gotten me to realize that you...you?Just can not let go.And maybe I cant either.....but boy...boy I sure have.You have no fucking clue how much I let go.For you.All of my issues?Pushed back....pushed back in the back of my head so they are gone.....they are forgotten.Sometimes I want my apartment back.Because back then?I slept,and I lived during the hours that I should be living.And I always made sure of things.Living here is so hard sometimes.It feels as though I never have peace.Theres always someone around ,theres always noise,and I just can not do it.I SCREAM for my time.I SCREAM for it.I miss it.Being alone and lettingmy mind wander.Being alone and doing whatever.I miss it sometimes.And your such a great guy...you dont deserve this.And I am sorry.I cant give you what you expect out of me.I cant give you what you want.As much as I try....I just cant.You live a FAMILY life.I live....my life.I live me and my boys life.Once it gets to a certain point....I give up.And i am fighting giving up.Let me have my time.Let me do the things I want without you thinking things.Let me go off and hang out.Let me go off and be alone.Let me get stoned and do things at my desk.Dude...I tell ya.I was always faithful when i was with someone.I called them when I wanted to and I came home when i wanted to.Without the thought of me feeling like a child.And getting in trouble.Look....I love you.I LOVE YOU.I need my space.It sounds bad...it sounds awful.But like I said.I am not like the others.I dont just want it...its something I need to let me grow and let me love even more.It feels as though all I have done is work these past months.Everything is work.I need to breathe a bit babe.Its not a bad thing.Its the way I appreciate things.The way I learn to love the things I have even more.It makes me happy hon...it fucking makes me happy.And you just might be right.Maybe I am not happy,I dont know,but I do know that I need to live a bit more then what I am doing. 3:51 a.m. - 2009-03-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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