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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crazy is as Crazy does I had a dream last night that I was fucking Bryan.That same Bryan that Tony was iffy about.I dont know why I was dreaming about him.Maybe because all Tony talks about is cheating and now I am fucking dreaming about it.He started the day off this morning by telling me that in the past 2 months I have changed.And all I talk about is going out and stuff.Well...there are friends that email me...and that call me,and they all want to go out.Sometimes I want to and sometimes I dont.But I know that if I did,I would be on a time limit and thats what I hate.So I dont go out.He says that he wont live the life I had,coming home at 6 in the morning and what not.My life wasent that bad.I liked going out and coming home whenever I wanted to.I miss it at times but over all I dont miss it.So he tells me that and its like...my life wasent bad,what the fuck?We both have different lives.I am sorry,cause I am not going to live your life neither.If this realtionship is going to work,we haveto build a life together,and I see both of us not doing that anymore.He says that I gave up,when really?So did he.I dont go to soccor games,why?Not because I dont support the kids,but because I dont want to,its not my thing and I am not going to sit there with his ex-wife and listen to them chat.I am not being mean by not going,its just not my thing.He tells me that he could tell that I was "fucked" up the other day.I wasent fucked up.I was stoned and fucking christ,I had a GREAT day off.I had fun and I didnt even go to a bar.There are things I need to do thatI have stopped doing.These things are what keeps me healthy and what keeps my mind healthy.These things are the things that keep my realtionship healthy ....for me.He may need to do toher things for his side of it,but I know what I need to do.Either way,I never fucking can win this war we arent even fighting.Everything I do..I dig at him..everything I say isnt god enough.Or its taken the wrong way.So now when you balme me?When you tell me that I have lost it?That I have changed?Look at yourself as well.All you do is think about me leaving or cheating or whatever.All you do is take my words and turn them around to hear what you expect to hear.And so here I am ...dreaming about fucking someone else,here I am not wanting to say two shits.Here I am trying to figure out what else could I do?What the hell can I do to stop you from making me go fucking crazy? 9:48 a.m. - 2009-02-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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