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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- dancing colors There are certain days where I just cant smell the air enough.This day..is one of them.The snow is melting and the air is crisp and fresh and it all brings back memories I once stuffed in the back of my head.Im feeling way guilty these days for not seeing Kyle at all.I feel even more guilty knowing that his dog will no longer be.I know its for the better.I know all of this.I most likely wont be able to get her cremated,andf that bothers me.I put myself through hell sometimes.I am always thinking about things that I shouldnt and I am always worried about money.I never have it.Yet I work 6 days a week.I am worried about summer.The boy has not seen in his dad in over a month yet,,,his LAWYER made sure that he would get his fucking way...and for what?He dosent see him anyways.So now we are trying to find him a job,so that he dosent haveto be by his dads in the summer.AllI want to do is work,so I have money and am never home to spend it.I havent been taking care of myself.I want to sleep more and stay inmy pajamas all day and I miss my damn pills.I never thought this much when I was popping pills.I never got angry about shit,and things just didnt matter.I miss being addicted to something.Addiction seemed to save me from everything.Even myself. 8:43 a.m. - 2009-02-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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