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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- got the life? Lately I just feel like I dont care.Its not that I dont care...maybe i just cant care any more then what i already do.I look past alot of things now,and in a way...one of those things is life.Before I met Tony,I stayed out,I went out,I talked to friends,I stopped by their houses and said hi,I no longer do anything.Although I am in love with Tony,his issues have brought me down.He makes me feel as though I am doing something wrong when actually...I am doing nothing.If I text someone,or if I am on the phone,or if I go somewhere without him.I understand that when Imet him,I stopped doing all of these things,but sometimes I just need space to talk...to think.To do whatever.I am not useto being with someone all the time and maybe its just getting me bothered now because its been so long since I had that time to myself.Im always in the house and on my days off...I am bored out of my mind.I am not bored with him..I am bored with how things are.He says that I have lost that *sparkle*in my eyes,and maybe I have because I am not living life to its fullest anymore.Dont get me wrong,of course there are days that I miss being fucked up and laughing so hard that my stomach hurts,But what I miss the most is living life.And maybe it sounds all wrong,cuse I am living life...but it just feels like im always missing out on something.Love and sex is filled,but maybe thats not enough.I dont know what I need to make me feel as though if I died tomorrow that my life would be complete.I have so many emotions running through me these days that I am having the worst time understanding myself.I want to forget my life I once had,yet I dont.I want to start fresh and put my past behind me...yet I cant and I dont because I am missing certain things I once had.I dont know why I feel like this...that guy gives me all the happiness and love in the world.And I am happy with him...and I do love him.But things were so much more easier when I was drugged up or drunk.For some reason,life was a straight line then.I had more money,more energy,more life in me.And now I just feel as though I am a bit lfeless.I know this could all be something that could pass,I know that this could all be something that is just happening because of all the things on my mind,either way...a nice day filled with laughter and drugs and talking and some beers always helped before....and life was always so much more easier. 8:00 a.m. - 2009-02-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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