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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Look up I woke up this morning feeling okay.I wish the pouch on my stomach was gone but other then that I feel good about myself.I am excited about this photo shoot and hope that everything turns out well and I like what I see.I am still feeling a blank when it comes to certain things and I am still thinking that Tony reads this.I hate the fact that I somewhat hold back things here because I shouldnt haveto.Time will change that I am sure.There is quite a bit of anger inside me,and I didnt think that I would really feel this way.But I do.I shouldnt be afraid to write anything here in fear that he may read it.Its in the back of my head though that secretly he sits and he still reads and just dosent tell me.After all..whats another 3 months?Or even 3 after that?He is a great guy,and since he has told me that he read this,things have changed.He leaves me notes and pays more attention to me.I am not to sure if I like the change.The change happened because of "this".And that just isnt right to me.He cant read my feelings,or so he says and so he pays more attention to me,when in my mind,nothing should have changed.He is still uptight about Bryan.And I guess I understand yet,I have a hard time seeing things as he does.I once had a huge circle of friends..most were guys.I have since lost them all..due to the fact that I have a boyfriend who actually cares.That dosent bother me all that much.What bothers me is him thinking that I will go cheat on him and what not with these friends that I still have.I will admit,Bryan and I had something teenagers have.We had always had a special bond between us that would let us start over from where we left.So naturally..we both started where we left and act as though we were friends since the last day we ever saw each other.I can not help the fact that we have that.So my ex boyfriend from 7th grade is back to being friends with me.We have since grown up and we share stories of kids,court,divorce and fun times.I have more then that with Tony,and he has got to realize that or else that "more"?Will soon turn into less,this I know.Thats what happens.So hopefully..all this will blow over and he can see what a good guy Bryan is,and that we could ALL be friends.And if that dosent happen?I cant keep giving people up.I cant keep giving pieces of my life away little by little just to keep someone happy while I am not happy.This all makes sense dosent it? 6:25 a.m. - 2008-10-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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