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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Morning after I got fucked up.On pills.He has been lying to me ever since that "misunderstanding".And he dosent trust me.I could have taken it worse.But instead I pilled myself up and drank.I understand why he read this,but he could have stopped when his chapter was done...but he didnt.And he took my only privacy away from me.I threw my phone and called him a cocksucker.I hated him...yet still loved him.And on that day?I wanted my old life back.I was going to move back to my old apartment and let life have its way.But I left home instead.And I popped pills and I drank and I wasent so angry.Why did he do it?Because he just couldnt stop reading how much I loved him.Yet he still continued to lie to me about it.I lied to him about meeting Bryan for drinks..only because that was how I got him back,and I knew that it would hurt more then anything.Over all..hurt is hurt.He hurt me pretty bad,and maybe I hurt him just as bad...it all fucking hurts.What I dont get..is that he says he has trust issues,this I know,but the thing is...I never gave him a reason not to trust me.And all along he thought he did...and while he was not trusting me..I was trusting him when i really shouldnt have.Although I feel as though we are stronger now...I still think about ..if he lied to me all this time,and has all these trust issues..what else am I going to find out?He was going to lose me...and he was going to lose me for good,but I stayed,and i hope its worth it,and I hope that I can trust him with everything that I did before..cause that little thought thats in my head?About what else he may have lied about or done?Its floating pretty good. 5:38 a.m. - 2008-10-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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