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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is mine I think he does things just to see if it will hurt me.If it will bother me..if it will affect me.I think he does this so he knows that there are feelings there and I think that its a pretty shitty thing to do.I dont blog to much on the myspace anymore.Why?Because I talk to him.I blog here more because this is where i come to vent..so I dont argue.This is where I go to say the things that SHOULD NOT be said.This is where I go...to come and let the things out that I have so much anger about.And this is also where I go to keep the secrets that have already been let out here.I have no new secrets really.They are all so old.Read back and you will figure that out.Half of what I write about isnt a secret at all..because i stick it in a sentence here and there.He is insecure about sex.Im insecure about it too.Maybe if I would have never toldd him about the lesbian experiences...maybe it would be different.Maybe if his ex -wife didnt leave him for a chick...it would all be different.None of it matters.I am not going to go out and cheat on him or leave him because of sex.I took on a role that i never thought I would or could do.I now have 4 kids instead of my one.I had plans in 4 years to become a traveler...to go places and see things and meet people,I had 4 years until my boy turned 18.I now have 12 years to wait til the youngest is old enough.And that was important to me...to travel.Its not so important anymore.I love this guy and it took me a long time to figure out what love was again.It took me a long time to allow myself to love again...but I am doing it.And I am doing it the best I can.So if I haveto come here and vent...if I haveto come here and say the same things over and over,thats just what I am going to do.But I will talk to him about the things that need to be talked about.And I will say the things that I need to say to him.And if I haveto say these things here first?Then thats what i am going to do.... 7:50 a.m. - 2008-08-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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