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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- just....smile Everything is wrong and everything is right and things are here and things are there and my head is filling up yet it is empty.I am stressed...I hate my fucking job and I dread going to that place.Isnt it funny how you can love something that you do and all of a sudden that feeling is gone for good?I wanted to call the fat fucker yesterday to tell him that his shit will be thrown away since I forgot to do it ,and I was so fucking frustrated with everything else that I thought "what a perfect time to call him"but I realized that I dont know his phone number.Which pissed me off even more.I want my fucking money from him.I put myself in this situation..I realize that,but I dont deserve this and I never have.I worked hard for what I saved,I was excited about going to Mexico for the boys birthday and I was excited about just saving that amount of cash,for what?For fucking what?So some fat mother fucker could take it from me?My cousin is on my last nerve with me...funny how I once cared so much about him and would do anything for him...and for what?Once again...so I get fucked.I am so sick and so tired of being fucked.I tried ...I tried to change my life...into something better.And I did.I did.I let go of alot of the past and I let go of the people I once knew.None of that bothers me...what bothers me is how I continue to get fucked.I left work last night.I walked out...I didnt say anything to anyone.I just left,and I was going to get in my car and I was going to drive away ,I got outside,sat down,covered my face with my hands and just breathed.I would only be fucking myself if I got in my car and drove away.I went back in and everyone asked me where I was and why couldnt they find me?I thought about telling them all to go fuck themselves.Instead I vented a bit.And told them of the disrespect at work...the lack of fucking help.And how I am tired of getting fucked.I still got fucked.Im tired.I am tired of always doing things for people only for them to fuck me.Tired of people taking advantage of me.Tired of the same bullshit.And its really not so bad now.It really isnt.But I start thinking about how everyone in the past has done this and that and then people do this shit to me at work and I fall apart.Life is not bad.It really isnt.I dont want to get so upset with everything going on that I get sick.Theres a headache lingering in my head,and its not going away.Maybe I just need a vacation...maybe I just need to not worry so much.But I know that I am tired of being fucked.And I dont give a shit about my stupid cousin anymore and I could care less if something is wrong at work...I know what the goods are and I know what the bads are.And the only way to fix any of it is to get away from it.And thats just what I am going to do.I am way to nice.Thats my problem.I am to nice of a fricken person..and thats why I get fucked.I know in the long wrong that things will be okay.This kind of stuff does not last long with me,but right now...venting is what I need to do.Mind my own business and do my stupid job and look at the brighter things in my life.Its not so hard......
12:37 p.m. - 2008-06-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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