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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My letter And it gets me mad to think about how he left me alone. You know what fucker?Yea I do have a mother fucking shrine at my house,you know why?No,you will never be able to get that from me ever again,you could of had it,but you fucked it up.You didnt UNDERSTAND.Maybe if you wouldve looked past your own feelings,you COULDVE UNDERSTOOD.Feelings fuck it all up.And why the feelings?Why?Cause you fucked me and thought that it should mean something?Yea and maybe thats bad,but guess what?Do ya really think fucking goes with feelings anymore?Well if ya do,this is why things are the way they are.I dont care about intimate things and having this stupid happy family with someone.Yea,roomates with benefits.....awesome.A nice place where its big enough for everyone and everyone does their own share of the bills and whatnot.Everyone takes care of each other without that certain feeling.Thats what I want.Maybe I just want to be taken care of my whole life,knowing that I have someone who does actually care,who will help me when needed.Maybe I want a best friend,a roomate with benifits,someone who will always make sure I am happy with being who I am.It dosent matter what I want because I cant get that from you or from anyone else and why?Cause I am not willing to.I dont want it.I know I cant have what I useto have,I know I cant rewind time and try to make it better,I know that it was special.And because what I know,I dont want certain things.I want to be true to the person I love.I will make sure I never love again in the way I did,and yea,maybe its bad but I really dont care.I belive to be true.I belive that you have ONE soul person,and I had him,so guess what?I am happy without loving,could I have kids and go on without acting like a couple?Yea,I could and maybe thats bad too,but you know what?I could spend the rest of my life with someone who could just accept me,I could have more kids,and that happy life I want,all with just being myself,and it WOULD never matter.I already even have rules about my situation,you know like,Ty is my problem,I would deal with me doing whatever I wanted to do when I had him...its no ones problem but my own.And if I would have another kid,well,then that kid would be your job of finding a sitter when we both have plans.Since I already have one and such.Of course if I was staying home,it would all be good.I have plans,I dont want NORMAL things.I want a happy life,and I dont need or want someone loving like how I once was loved because I could never love ya back like that.And I dont think anyone deserves that.Oh yea,you ache like i ache and you tell me things could be different,that I could feel a certain way,that I SHOULD feel a certain way.You do that.And tell me how you feel.And then tell me a reason to love...you fucking tell me.Asshole 11:43 p.m. - 2004-10-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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