Photobucket I have said to much

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Happy fucking stupid birthday

**Im Happy Today**

I got a job today...kindof 2 jobs,drank for free at Joeys,came home to ARGUE with Josh,like usual.I told him not to come over,he told me all I wanted is to be friends and that I wouldnt get that.

WHERE ARE YOU KYLE??????


I need my man here right now,to help me deal with his friend,to help me deal with myself.Just to help me deal,its my fucking birthday and I REALLY want to spend it looking at my options.Which ways I coud go,which ways would be okay,which ways I could just hurt myself.I WANT TO BE ALONE TODAY.Its my god damn birthday give me what I want,and leave me the fuck alone.My evil sister sent me a picture of Kyle....because she thought I should have it on my birthday since she never knew him.I HATE HER.How could you do something like that?I was OKAY this morning...I was OKAY.I was so okay,until,I got my mail,until I called Josh...I WAS OKAY DAMN IT!!!And this is why I would be okay just being friends with him.I dont need all the bullshit...I dont want the bullshit.


**I do not need you**

And I think I wil call my sister and say thank you for the necklace but "fuck you"for sending me that damn picture....just what I needed to see on my god damn birthday.I miss him today.I cried myself to sleep on Sunday night cause I wanted him with me.It dosent get any easier,it dosent get better,it just gets more"put away".You learn not to show things to people anymore.You learn not to tell people things anymore.You make it go away in the real world,you let it come oput in your world.I think that people tend to think that when you lose someone things will be okay in time,but they never are okay,those that have lost have learned to deal with it other then crying to others,the hide it.I hide it behind my stupid big ass smile.Am I really happy?

No...I havent been in a long time

2:35 p.m. - 2004-09-29

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