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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Im leaving
**What I Am To You** **Is Not Me** I want someone who will push my buttons, but those buttons wont matter because they wont work.I want someone who makes me excitied,who makes me feel like I am on top of the world,someone who makes me happy.I want someone I can smile about,someone I can do anything with.Someone who loves me FOR ME.I want to laugh at stupid fights,I want stupid fights.I want things that done matter yet they would matter to most.I want things...I need these things and I am driving myself nuts by thinking about what once was and what things will never be,and I should be over it all now.I should have moved on,but I cant.I am stuck.I am stuck in this place where nothing will ever be the same.I am stuck in a place where I want things to be the way they useto be.And I cant accept the way things might HAVETO be for me for the rest of my life.When they could of went "according to plan". **What I am To You** **You Do Not Need** Being off the meds have fucked me.In a bad way.I find myself staring back at me in my reflection,with mascara ridden eyes,wanting to run forever.Just to let my anger out,let the confusion be free.Let my hurt be gone for the moment.I am just not feeling the things I should feel these days.I find myself wanting to feel physical pain and not emotional anymore.I stare at my knife,and the other night I poked myself with it,only realizing when I woke up the next day that the poke hurt,yet when I did it...I felt nothing,not til I had to.I feel like I am shutting down.Shutting the world out,trying to make things better for me,but finding it hard to do it.Finding it exhausting,finding it so hard,and right now,I am so fucked up that I just cant do it.And no one....not one person understands.Its time just to go away.Just go the fuck away and stop everything....stop trying to live.I am exhausted of trying.Exhausted of faking.Im done. 5:16 p.m. - 2004-09-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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