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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- because I am clueless I sit here and I watch this dove as the sun sets,its a beautiful sight,yet depressing.It seems to be lonely.It seems to want to scream something to me.It seems to have a meaning to it.Maybe it just wants to peck away at me,or maybe it wants to be taken in and be cared for and loved.Maybe it just wants to be noticed.Maybe it dosent.But I notice it.I see it everytime its out there.Outside of my window,sitting in my tree.I see it and it makes me think. **The Unsepecting victim** I wish I knew where I would be if Kyle was here.Would we be living together?Would I be out on his porch today?Or would I be watching T.V.?And I feel this great need to say I am sorry for everything,for not calling 911 when I shouldve,when I noticed that he was acting weird,I feel guilty.I feel as though I couldve saved him if I stayed awake.But,did I know,I had no clue,like usual,I was clueless,I thought things were okay,and I cant make that mistake ever again.I made the mistake once and it will forever last.Its been almost a year and I still think about him daily,I still think about the would of beens and the could of beens and the what ifs.And why do I think about those things?NONE of those things will ever happen.I pray that I will see him again..one day.I pray that he will always be by my side.I pray that the hurt will go away,but I know that it wont.I pray that one day,I can be at peace with him and join him and that he will still accept me and love me even though I am not the person he knew.I miss him.And if I am ever with someone that I may think I love,if they cant understand my love for Kyle,then they will not and can not accept my love for them,and I will not give them the chance.No one cane take his place,no one cane make me feel like he did,but I knopw that there can be someone who can do half the job,and they can only do half the job because that is all I will allow them to do. 7:38 p.m. - 2004-05-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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