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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Offical breakdown I have no clue what is going on with me these days.Seems as though I cant do anything right,and even when I know that I am doing something right..I still feel an emptiness.Its like I am missing something,and that something is so huge,but even though its huge...I still have no clue.I want to lay in bed forever.I dont want to get up and go to work,I dont want to do the everyday tasks,like brush the teeth,get dressed.The emptiness is so great inside of me that it makes me not want to do these things. **Dont Waste Your Time On Me** This so called emptiness is pulling me towards those valuims,its pulling me towards those times when I close the blinds and dont ever look out,its pulling me towards that feeling of pure"nothing".Its pulling me in so many different directions that its confusing me.Half of me says to go with it and let it pull me into this "dark"world,a world where I am alone,a world where I am like a robot and just do the same things over and over again.But then the other half tells me to over come it all and not to let it win...again. **We Know What We Know** I feel okay being alone,being a robot,doing the same old shit over and over again.I do it now,I wake up and go to work,come home and sleep,and every once in a while I go out and its starting to be where I go out by myself again and not caring if I do that.Not caring if I sit at the bar by myself and let myself get all trashed,I just dont care.It gets harder by the day NOT to snap,NOT to break down,NOT to think certain things and it makes it so much harder not to take those damn pills sitting there in my bathroom calling my name.Telling me that if I just pop one...just one,I could have a peaceful night,I could drift into that so called dream world,and maybe if I did that I would understand what it feels like to be peaceful,not to think,not to care about what I am thinking.And if I popped just that one,then maybe the next night could be as peaceful as the night before,and I would want more,and then I would just turn into what I was before and just keep popping those beautiful pills that call out to me,that make everything go away,that make it all okay,and when I run out....I will just get more,and when there are no more,well..hey,why not just buy some damn sleeping pills and start to love them? **Ive always wanted you** My dove that sits outside of my window has found a mate and I think its beautiful.Yet sad,sad because it is not alone anymore,it dosent haveto sit outside of my window looking in on me,listening toi my music...somehow it feels as though it dosent need me anymore. 4:54 p.m. - 2004-04-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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