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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- feeling the\"sorries\"for myself Okay so I broke the fucking diet...of course I did.I sat at work tonight with Cindy....drinking,we talked about alot of stuff.I did so good all day but then I went to work,where the smell of "food"just made me want it all.I had a small,yes,small,chicken strip,a tortilla with cheese and japs,and then I came home after drinking for a couple hours to find myself pigging out on seafood alfredo,even though I didnt eat all of it,I feel worthless right now.I feel gross and disgusting,I feel as though I have let myself down.What the hell is it going to take this time?More damn pills?I am feeling pathetic right now,I took one damn diet pill today and even that didnt stop me from eating.I need to stop,I am getting FAT,not just chubby but FAT and I hate it.I have no will power,and even though this is my first day of my diet....I feel as though I didnt do very good,and I knew that if I came home and ate the shit,that I would feel this way,but I still did it...and why?Cuz the will power is gone,and I so need it back before I balloon up and feel even more gross and disgusting.I just need to stop all this bullshit and start noticing just what I am becoming....and what I am becoming is a huge fat ass person that no one is going to want. 2:40 a.m. - 2004-03-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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