Photobucket I have said to much

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Periods of Fat Addictions

**What a beautiful night

to get wasted**

Its funny how sometimes...you just dont care.That it dosent matter if you are tired,it dosent matter if you work all day and stay up all night,it dosent matter if you FEEL tired.I love how tired I have been.I went into work today wanting to close,wanting to work 11 hours,even though I was tired,I wanted to do something.I wanted to make money doing something.I need to work more,the more I work,the better I feel.The less guilty I feel sleeping.

**When I can see it**

The period is making me feel yucky these days,making me feel huge,making me want to break every mirror in the house.Making me weigh myself 100 times a day,and weighing myself everyday is making me hate myself.I cant stop it though,its like an addiction...I haveto do it or else I worry about it all day long.Today I stept on the scale and thought to myself"geez,I remember when I was 20 pounds heavier"I remembered standing on the scale at the doctors office and hating myself.I remember telling Dan how much I weighed,I remember looking at pictures of me and Dan back then,and thinking how FAT I actually was.And I remember how I told myself that i would never allow myself to get that fat again.And when I got on the scale tonight,I thought,geez,I remember when I was 30 pounds heavier...

which makes me realize that I have gained like 10 pounds and I am turning into a fat chick.Nope.Will not let that happen.

**Am I really alive**

Its been so nice out that I have been"thinking"of walking the dogs everynight,thinking of how I could just walk forever everynight,regardless of the time...just to excersise or something.I dont get enough at work,I need to lose weight,and I need to lose it before I turn into that fat chick I useto be.That fat chick that did nothing but sit at home and eat and sleep.That fat chick that sat at work,feeling like the fattest person there....no not a good feeling.I haveto change that...I haveto love myself again.And all of this...because of the damn period.

10:54 p.m. - 2004-02-19

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry