|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- lacking the sleep I have been.."blank".Nothing much here,nothing much there,nothing much at all.I have been sleeping life away,waiting for Joshs calls,sleeping with the phone beside me,waking up every so often to look at the clock,getting nothing done.He told me last night that he is nothing like Kyle,and I got off the phone with him and sat there and wondered if he thought I was trying to replace Kyle with him.I wanted to call him back and tell him this,but our conversation was done,he was going to bed,and I was left with my thoughts.I wondered if he thought I wanted someone like Kyle.I wondered why he said that.I wondered why he just cant accept that I have the feelings I do for him.I loved Kyle a great deal,with all that I had,but I didnt like certain parts of him,I didnt like the drug part,the hurting me part,I didnt like the fact that he saw nothing wrong with shoving shit up his nose.Sure I still loved him and cared,but I didnt like those parts about him,I didnt want those parts in my life,but I accepted it,I thought maybe that he would change it all once he was ready to settle down,but it never happened,instead it ended his life and changed mine forever.I wondered why Josh thought I would want those parts in my life.He is gone for a week,no calls no nothing from him while he is sailing,it sucks,but it gives me time to make my mind go to work,it gives me time to think of what I will write him instead of telling him,it gives me more time just to sleep my damn life away so I wont "think"to much,the lack of calls will give me time to sleep,and not think of how I miss him,the lack of calls will make me have nothing to look forward to,ah,the beautiful word sleep. 11:26 a.m. - 2004-02-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||