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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- denial **Take Me Home** I was at work today thinking about last night,and how I went down to the basement...just to see if there was something to "drink"down there.And I have stuff to drink,I have tons of crap in my house that I could drink,but its like taboo or something.Its like Im saving it for a "special"night.A night where I just want to get totally fucked up all by myself,and I thought about how I do get fucked up...alot....by myself.And how that is kindof funny that even though I know that I have been totally fucked up by myslef alot,I still think that I could do"better"that I never really get fucked up,I just have a good time,by myself.And even though I know I am fucked...I could always get MORE fucked up and it makes me wonder....maybe I am a alcoholic,not a drunk just an alcoholic,which are in my mind,2 different things,maybe everyone is right about me. ** How can I say Im Alive** Josh called me again tonight,once again,I missed his call.I want to talk to him,I miss talking to him.So once again I sit here tonight,having a fun time by myself.But hey,Im not a alcholic what is this like,the 4th night in a row?I went nuts at work tonight.I was there for 9 hours and we were dead all day,then all of a sudden we get totally busy and here I am pissed off because I dont have my i.d. on me so I cant buy beer,and im all out of weed,so what the hell am i soppose to do now?And I am having such a shitty day that all I want to do is go home and get fucked up,so I took the extra trip home and got some beer,I spent almost all of the money I made today on weed,and I dont have a problem? **Afraid to fail, so why even try** 9:48 p.m. - 2004-01-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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