Photobucket I have said to much

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Just one question

**Its all been done before**

I ended up sleeping til 2:30 today,what a way to spend a Sunday.I went to the VFW to watch the game for a while and I missed Josh.I thought how much fun he would have if he were with me,how much fun I would have.How I feel and why I feel the way I do.I really miss spending

time with him.I miss talking with him.I miss him,I miss him and it makes me feel really weird to feel this way,because its Josh,because its someone who wouldve never gotten to be with me if Kyle was here.Because its Kyles best friend?I dont know.All I do know is that I miss him quite bad,and it sucks.I wnat him to be here...with me.And I am being selfish because instead of him doing his dream..I want him here with me.I dont want him to be off somewhere on some boat,in some other state,I want him here,for myself,I want him to be with me.But I want him to be happy as well.I want him to be happy with what he is doing.I want him to have a happy life,he deserves to have a happy life.But then why cant I be happy?Why cant I be happy for him?For what he is doing with his life?Because I want him here,with me,and it sure does confuse me a bit.Why is he the only one that has made me happy since Kyle left me?Why is it that I didnt give anybody else the chance to be with me?Why did I give him the chance of making me happy?Why do I feel so happy being around him?Why is he the one that makes me feel like that?Why is he the one that I could fall in love with possiably?Why him out of the others?He is such an awesome person,totally understandable,totally great,just great.And he makes me feel like I am in fucking heaven,and its wonderful.And I am selfish for wanting him here with me,I am selfish for wanting those things that I cant have.I am so selfish for wanting someone to give up their dream just to make me happy.Just to make me happy.To want someone to give up their only dream,someone who knows that they cant do it all their life,but they will still do it cuz its their dream.To want someone to stop living their dream just to make me happy,because my only dream is to be happy again,and he makes me happy,damn it,he makes me so happy.And I haveto learn how not to be selfish,so I can be happy for him,so I continue to live my so called dream,and when and if he comes back,and if we do end up with each other,then maybe I can start living mine,and we could both have already lived our dreams.And even if we never got to be with each other,it would be okay,it would be okay because he lived his,and I wont be selfish because of that,because everyone deserves to live their dream,everyone deserves to happy.

5:58 p.m. - 2004-01-11

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