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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- things I may not get a chance to say I talked to Josh,and I feel dumb,I really didnt tell him anything,but what I did say,made me feel dumb.Maybe its because I am fucked up,or maybe I was made to feel dumb,I dont know.And even that confuses me,and I need to tell him that I cant be confused anymore.And that I want more then just sex,I want a relationship with him and even the word scares me,and it scares me because I dont want to scare him away.Because even if I do want a relationship with him and he dosent,then I still want our friendship.Because my friendship with him means so much to me.And if he dosent see me in his future,then thats okay,I will so understand but I still want to be his friend.Even if he goes on with a happy life,even if he has a wife and kids,and the whole deal,I still want to be his friend.I want to be his friend forever....regardless.I so can tell him things,I so can write him things and not care,and I do have enough nerve to tell him things...I do.Right now,I know I do,and I haveto tell him things,I haveto tell him the things I want because if I dont then that small chance I may not take,may mean that my life just might be affected by it,and right now I sure cant take that chance.I think my life kindof depends on that right now.I cant let myself down right now.I can not not do things that I want to do.Life is way to short for that.And I cant do that anymore.I cant pass up things that may be,I cant just think things,I haveto do things,and say things.I haveto do these things just so those maybes go away.Just so I can stop thinking about that stuff. 8:32 p.m. - 2003-12-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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