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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- thoughts of chances **Daydreams** Its funny how I keep thinking about how I feel.I sat at work today thinking of it,every chance I had,I thought about it.And I thought about Josh and what he was thinking...was he thinking of how he feels as well?I thought about how it confuses me and how I love it.I thought about how I loved to be confused by it.And what may happen when he goes back.And how can I ask him how he feels without sounding so confused.I thought about how I wanted to feel that feeling I felt when he told me I was beautiful,when he told me I was amazing,when he made me feel loved.I was thinking about how many times I was talking to him,but really to myself.I was just thinking crazy,every chance I got,I was thinking crazy things,making my mind work at its hardest.And I didnt have very much time to think these thoughts,I was so busy at work and I took Tyler with me so that made me even busier,but ever chance I did get,I thought about crazy things,crazy things about me and Josh.And it makes me think even more on why I am having such thoughts,such feelings.And why I cant just tell him these things.I could write it,but not tell him,and I want to.And as of right now,I am trying to get up enough nerve to call him and just tell him everything.I so struggle with telling people my feelings and I would love to break that feeling,but something always stops me.But I so need to break that,I need to just stop being so "hidden"and just say things.Because sometimes saying things is what matters as well.Maybe if I could just get things out,I could be happier.Maybe I wouldnt need to take pills anymore.Maybe I wouldnt need to drink.Maybe I would just be happier.But those "maybes"turn into "maybe nots"too,and maybe thats just what I am afraid of......taking another chance. 7:08 p.m. - 2003-12-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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