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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just a day ** Happy thanksgiving?** This guy Tim at work has been trying to hang out with me,like he will always say that we should get together,im one of the cool ones...shit like that.so today he asked me to go to the store with him,So I go with him,we shared a joint,all that good stuff,and I realized that he was a cool person.I mean,I never give people the chance of being my friend.I complain about not having them,but its my own fault.People always want to go out with me and hang out and shit,and I never make plans.I just dont want to,I dont need friends from work.But Tim,hes cool.He has never once made a sexual remark about me or anything,we joke around alot at work like I will tell him that Im gonna kick him or something....just shit like that,he not once said anything to me about sex or anything,and thats pretty rare,Although one time someone told him to stop staring at my butt....but that dosent count.Oh and saying something about my purple underwear,but that dosent count either.Hes a really cool person.Anyways,I could tell in a way that he wanted to just drive around and talk and just whatever.You know...be friends.Its funny how holidays are so depressing.It never useto be like that,I useto love going over to the families houses and eating tons of food,and I would get really excitied for even Easter,and then it got to the point where I decorated my house with all the "little"fun things,and I still liked my family,somewhat,better then Dans,and I dreaded going to Dans,but I still "enjoyed" it.Then came a time when I didnt even care as long as I knew I was getting drunk.Oh and then there was that one time,yeah that one time,when you could still have fun,and you were meeting your "new family"and it was cool,I loved it.I never had it and I loved it.I enjoyed it,I looked forward to it,I didnt even care if I was drunk or not...I didnt haveto be.I loved it.And now theres this time,where I would perfer to sit at home,getting fucked up,by myself.Thinking of everything and how times change,and looking back at it,smiling for a while,just remembering how it felt to love it again.I dont know,I guess I just treat the holidays now as any other day.Fuck it,theres nothing special about them,its a day,a day that mightve of been something but its not now,so accept it.Might as well.Look at Christmas....its about working harder to buy people shit,why do you haveto buy something for someone in order to have that day special?Maybe I haveto be religous to understand it but then even then it wouldnt make any sense.I am only putting up the tree this year,I dont even want to decorate it really but I haveto for Ty.I mean if I put it up,its still a tree...you know?Why do you haveto put all that shit on it?Is there some rule?I have no energy for shit like this anymore. 5:18 p.m. - 2003-11-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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