Photobucket I have said to much

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Holidays and such

**Im like a quilt,

I have patches everywhere**

Im cleaning my house today,and its funny how I useto clean Kyles house all the time,but have no energy to do my own,maybe because it dosent seem like home.I have no space in my house to put anything and its hard to clean since I have crap everywhere and nowhere to put it.I did what some people may call christmas shopping today,I dont consider it that though,I got the things I needed for my house like toothpaste and stuff,and bought one gift for Tyler which is his Vice city game,hes been wanting it forever,and it was on sale for 30 bucks so even though I couldnt afford it,I had to buy it since that is the cheapest it has been.I took that money out of my phone bill money,so hopefully I will make that 30 bucks back plus some at work tomorrow.I also bought a phone card for Josh,so he can call me more.I couldnt pass that up either since it was pretty cheap.I dont know what to do about my money situation anymore.Its quite fustrating.Everyday I worry about paying something,needing something.I hate being poor,it makes me feel like shit,like I am nothing.I have lost quite a bit of weight,Im down 8 pounds now since last week.I think the zoloft makes me not want to eat.I am just not hungry at all.I still eat something though,like a yougurt or something healthy,only because I know I haveto eat something even if its little.My aunt called the other day to invite me to Thanksgiving,whatever.My parents are mad because I told them I didnt want to go anywhere,that I am not a family person.I think my manager might cook at work,just open up the resturant for her own use,I think I might go there and hang out with her and my boss.They seem more like my family then anything else.I talk to them about anything.I dont know,the holidays arent going to be the same anymore.And I really dont want to think about them.Last year the night of thanksgiving,Kyle and I went out to South Milwaukee,didnt get home til almost 5 in the morning,and all the way home he kept telling me how sorry he was that he kept me out that late since I had to work the next day.Im going to miss that this year,as I will every year.So fuck the holidays for all I care.Theres no use to celebrate them anymore,its just not the same.

1:37 p.m. - 2003-11-16

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