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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- thinking of not drinking? **All this drinking has got me thinking** I wrote my letter,sent it,cleaned more of the house,went to work and got fucked up after work.So fucked up that I burnt my leg thinking that a bee stung me.I dont know,I havent been feeling well,and all I do is drink,which dosent help the "not feeling"part at all.I haveto stop,slow down or something.I haveto do something with my situation and I keep putting it off so I can drink,or I drink just to put it off,who knows,take it either way,cuz nothing is still getting done about it.I have open house tonight with Ty,I haveto take a nap or something before I go,or else his teacher will think I am high or something since my eyes are so red today.Or maybe she will just think I work hard,or maybe she knows I am a drunk,maybe she is one to,I dont know yet.But I dont want her to know that I am a drunk,because then it gets even more complicated.Then they start blaming everything on me.Ty has been doing well though,he even gets to eat lunch with the principal this week since he has had good behavior.He wanted to do that last year,but of course he never could cuz he was always getting in trouble.I told him that I was gonna send him to boot camp if he got one blue slip at all this year,he belives me,which is a good thing. **Im already Torn** Talked to Kyle last night,talked to him once again today,I am talking to him more and more each day again.I rememeber things about him all the time.I look at Xena and just know.I know that she feels the hurt to,but is happy to be with me,and I do things to her that he wouldve done,that I thought was mean when he did them,but they really arent,and she likes it...I hope.I was messing around with her the other day,slapped her on her butt pretty hard,she got all excitied..I think she thought maybe it was him.She is a good dog,I love her so much and sometimes it hurts me knowing that she hurts,it hurts to look at her.Sometimes I just stare in her eyes trying to see through them to see what she is feeling,she just stares back,she is probaly doing the same. 9:41 a.m. - 2003-10-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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