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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My way ***And she went on for hours*** I stayed up for a long time last night.I wrote a letter to Josh,telling him alot,just not all of it.I dont want him hating me too.I cried.I cried more for Skynyrd then anything else.I dont know how to help him.I dont know what to do for him.I know he is in pain,I just cant make it go away.And he seems worse since his bandage is starting to fall off.All I have is 200 bucks,thats it.200 bucks for a 1,100 dollar surgery.How pathetic is that?I dont even have a savings now.Everything is gone.Im 27 years old and I am living day by day on my tips,trying to raise a chile,trying to to buy him nice things.I am pathetic.Its like I cant move forward,ever.And when I think that I got there,its right back to point A. My dad told me this morning that I should call about the dog and school and all this other bullshit.I told him unless if he has valiums,that I only do one thing at a time,he told me that maybe I should join some sort of therapy group,I told him I will still end up in the e-ward.Fuck it.I dont care what I say to anyone any more.It is just not worth it.Plus I am being honest.I want to go away.I want to be put away,only I cant.I have Ty to think about.If I had it my way,if I didnt have Tyler or my dogs,I would be put away in a padded room,where I could just go nuts and scream and beat on the walls all day long.All I would ask for is some music and some paper and of course sometrhing to write with,which they probably wouldnt give me anyways because they would think I would try to stab myself.And I wouldnt even ask for any pills,I would just want to be able to let it all out.If I had my way,I would be okay.I would be okay with just screaming all day long and pounding the shit out of the walls.I just want it my way. 7:12 a.m. - 2003-10-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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