Photobucket I have said to much

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sleepless

**Its not easy to be me**

I cant sleep tonight.I tried.I laid there forever,and my mind just wouldnt stop.Ty got his ear peirced today.He was so excitied about it too.He called his grandma to see"which one"he should get done.My period was here,then it left,then it came back,now its gone again.I will get it back tomorrow,it always pulls that crazy shit.Im not really worried anymore.Maybe I just dont care.I made the chicken cordon blue tonight that me and Ty were soppouse to have with Kyle.I didnt really touch mine,just pulled it apart really and ate the parts I wanted.Which was really none of it.Its funny how when I dont want to eat,thats all I do,when I want to eat,I cant.

**inside of me**

I think Kyle is mad at me.I think he would hate me if he were here now.I keep looking at his picture,staring at it,telling him how sorry I am.I keep telling him to wait to be mad at me until he sees me.I keep telling him..."please dont hate me"Because he would,if he was here.Im so screwed up,and I dont think I will ever get better.I had a whole life to look forward to.I wanted things.I wanted to go to school,I wanted to find a different job.And now,I want, but I cant do any of it.Theres just no energy,theres no nothing now.If I had him here,I would be doing something with my life.I wouldnt be screwing it up more and more as the days pass.I dont know what to do anymore.I dont know how to fix what I broke,and even if I did...I couldnt,because I really cant,if that makes sense.Live your life day by day,isnt that what people say?How can you do that when you live life the same everyday?How can you do that when you stopped living?How can you live again?

12:49 a.m. - 2003-09-24

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