Photobucket I have said to much

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Word of the day...FUCK

** Theres nothing else to lose or find*

The investagator stopped over today,seems Kyles mom wants bullshit back and you know what...she isnt getting it back.I hate to be like this..I hate it more then anything.She wants everything...what the fuck is that?She told me I could have anything,so I got rid of all my ghetto ass shit,and now if I gave it all back..I wouldnt even have a TV,its not right...and the investagator even said that.I am so stressed out these days,I want and need pills,valiums,speed...whatever.I need to escape,I need to go away for a while..in my own world.I need to be fucked all the time so I can stay sane.

Why would she do that to me?I love Kyle,I hate the fact that he is gone......I HATE IT!!And I dont need this bullshit.I dont feel sorry for her because maybe I feel sorry for myself..I dont know,maybe I should feel sorry for myself.I lost the only person that I have ever really loved.I have the image in my head for the rest of my life of him being dead next to me.And she is going to fuck with me?Im done being nice,I am done trying to be happy.Im just done with everything.It is known to myself now that I am done all because of the pills.I need them again,I want them again,and I will take them again.All because life sucks,all because Kyle is gone,and I hate the fucking world.

6:39 p.m. - 2003-09-20

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