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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- maybe I will straighten out? **Somethings in this world Just cant change** I went to see him today.I put multi-colored glitter on him,and multi-colored hearts on him.His mom mustve threw away my vase I made for him...fuck her too.And I apologized to him for how I felt.But I told him that she made it that way.And I told him how sorry I was for everything and not to be mad at me,and if he is mad at me,then just wait to be mad at me...wait til you see me,then I will be okay with him being mad at me.I didnt stay for long,I couldnt I guess.I was cold,I really didnt feel good this morning,I took a sleeping pill that this guy gave me last night and was still yucky from it when I got home.Oh yes...pills.Once again.I said I wouldnt pop anything,but I lied.I haveto.I haveto pop some kindof pill.Do I have a pill problem..yeah,but no.I have no pills really so I cant pop them.But I needed to sleep.I so needed it.When I got to the cemetary,a song was playing that I call"his song",when I left,a different song was playing that"was his".I think he is back with me.I keep begging him to be with me,that I need him,that I haveto have him.But I dont feel him.And I hate it.I hate it with all I have.I am going to hang out with Rockys sister tonight.She lives close by me,and she is a sweetheart,nothing like her family.Its something different,something to do,something to keep me out of trouble maybe. 4:37 p.m. - 2003-09-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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