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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Early in the morning,this is what I do ** And the sunrise could be beautiful ** If only I wanted to watch it** I have been up for almost an hour and half.I think I got a total of 2 hours of sleep.The first thing I did when I woke up...I ate a stuffed garlic olive,it was only one and it is still early so its okay I think.I guess I am not as strong as I made myself out to be.I have to many things on my mind.Way to many things and it is effecting my sleep.I laid in bed for a while, listening to the sounds that werent there.I deciced just to get up,that laying there trying to fall asleep while I was searching for the sounds that just didnt exsist wasent going to happen.I put the dogs out,made myself a full pot of coffee,thought about going to Barnes and Noble today to write Josh a letter,and looked through my cupboard for some pancake mix and here I am.Like usual I end up here.I end up here because I have nothing better to do.I dont really use the internet for anything else anymore.Theres no reason to.If I need to know something,I would perfer to go and look it up in a book other then "surf the web"for whatever I may need to know.I have been trying to get along with dickhead,it might not be a bad thing.He fixed the brakes on my car last week and today he is going to put my tyrod on while I watch all of the kids.Its funny how you can get along with someone if you really want to.I really dont have a reason not to get along with him anymore.We havent been together for almost 3 years now,in those 3 years I havent really talked to him,up until now.It feels weird. Sometimes it feels as though we never had our fist fights,that he never kicked my ass,that we didnt even fight.He just told me yesterday that he cant belive John and Connie are the same way as they were 6 years ago when we first met them,that we fought,but not like them.I kindof thought,"no we didnt,you just kicked the shit out of me"But I really didnt think that...it was only in the back of my head,instead, I thought"your right,we never went through what they go through"Maybe its all part of growing up,maybe its just being responsable,maybe its both.I dont know,but Im glad that its okay,because all these years it hasent been okay,I looked at him with disgust all the time,I wished someone would just beat the shit out of him,I hated him,and I I only felt those ways because of what he put me through,and what he made me into,but I dont think I feel like that anymore.I dont "like"him,but I dont think I hate him.And yes,I still am md that he beat the shit out of me for all those years,but Im not as mad as I useto be because I let him...I stayed with him,he had a problem,I pushed his problem alot,and we just werent made for each other...and I UNDERSTAND this now.We got together at a young age,that shit never works,and we tried,and tried and tried,but I made the decision just to stop trying and I am always greatful for that.Because if I didnt make it,we would still be trying,and I would still be getting my ass kicked,he would be miserable,and what kind of life wouldve that been?So because we are not together,why cant we just get along?There is no reason not to get along.I know him well enough that what I dont like about him...is him,and thats why I am not with him,but he is okay as a person,as a ?friend?,becaue I have never seen him like that.And I think by him fixing my car,doing me a favor,even though I paid him 50 bucks,I think that it shows that he can be a person,that he can be a friend.And I never really knew him because I only knew him as Dickhead,I never wanted to know Dan,and I think I am starting to.And its cool because life can be so much more easier when you just get along. **Time dosent stop** **Time dosent stand still** **Time dosent rewind** **So say everything now** **Because you never know when time may run out** Xena is having a hard time these days,she is in heat and I can not allow her to cuddle with me at night.She has these sad hollow eyes looking at me all the time,begging me just to let her be by me.I never had a dog that wasent fixed,Kyle was going to get her fixed,but I guess he just didnt have the time,and I have been told that she is to old now,she is only 5,but I can deal with it for the next 20 years,I dont know to much about it,but I know that its every 6 weeks so I marked it on my calender,and shes like me....she sleeps alot,and she is so grumpy towards Skynyrd,its kindof funny though to watch them two growl at each other,shes the bitch of the house... and he knows it.I better stert these pancakes for Tyler since he will be getting up any minute. 5:43 a.m. - 2003-09-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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