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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stay away JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ==================== I am having a REAL bad night.I feel like just screaming,pulling out my hair,just totally trashing my house all because I am mad.Iam mad that I had this fucking beautiful life and it was going to be a good life...finally.I found an amazing person and he left.And I ahve no one.I think Shane is all fucked up again,and I am so angry but dont want to flip out on him.I want it all to go away.Just let me be in my own world where I am nothing to anyone.Where I am non existant to the whole world including myself.But then again,I want more than anything to be able to cry out and rest my head upon someone and to have them comfort me and be there and understand.I have been stupid lately and i hate myself for that.I told some guy last night to come and pick me up at my house so we could hang out...did I know him?No not really,I only knew of him.Do I want to left for dead?Do I want to put myself in a situation?Kyle would kill me if he was here,but I am so lonely...all I want is people to talk to,I dont want anything else,just someone to talk to,and I lean on strangers for that?Why?Because all my friends are really his friends and they are sleeping or getting fucked up or whatever..they are never home and when I do see them,we try not to cry.ALL I WANT IS MY MAN...thats it.I have never asked for much.I am fine with being poor,I am fine with working 2 jobs,7 days a week,I am fine if I am 400 pounds...all I ask for is my man.Even if it is just one more fucking night.I just want to hold him and tell him how much I love him and how he has my heart in his hand forever.I want totalk to him,see his beautiful blue eyes,and wonderful smile,hear his goofy laugh,watch his butt as he walks to his kitchen,write him notes.Just to see him happy,just to see him one more time and to have that,I would give up my life.I dont want to wait to see him again.I so want him to touch me,and tell me I am beautiful again and tell me that he will not hurt me.I want to look into his eyes and feel what he is feeling again.We had something so fucking perfect and it all was gone overnight.As easy as that,it was gone.He didnt deserve to go,he had changed his life,he had a plan for our future,he was so so fucking smart.He useto explain washer and dryers and computers to me...and for once in my life,I listened...I wanted to learn because it was him teaching me,and he wanted to teach me.Why?Why did this happen to us when had something?Something real,something true,something good,something worth living for 8:34 p.m. - 2003-08-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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