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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- just catching up A little time has passed hey?Mo and I went out on Saturday,it turned out to be a fun night.We went bar hopping I guess you could say,ending up going to the porn shop to get a bowl,where I was attacked by at lease 100 rubber dong things,it was funny,but I felt so stupid,and so I told the guy that we deserve a "free"bowl,he told me that it wasent his fault that things arent hanging up correctly.Asshole.But yet Mo and I continued to laugh our asses.We agreed that it couldve been alot worse.It couldve been vibrators or fake asses,or something much harder.After a while we noticed how stoned we really were since we were still parked outside of the place 25 minutes later,and we didnt ebven know.Ha ha.I had fun though.Got my tounge done,I will totally admit that I was flipping out about doing it,but it wasent bad at all.Now its starting to get sore cuz I haveto talk and I tried to eat "real" food,which I didnt do at all today so I hope it isnt sore tomorrow.I had an AWFUL day yesterday,I felt like shit,complete shit,like I was gonna puke just all day long,I go to the store and dickhead is there...I AM NICE,I SAY HI,I SMILE,I AM A REGULAR FUCKING PERSON,and he just toally starts not yelling but a few people turned to look my way,saying all this bullshit,he was talking about shit from years ago,talking about he wants his shit back.I told him that I had none of his shit,and whatever we had together I gave to him.OOOO..but I was a stupid bitch anyways,I am such a fucking whore.Ty ended up coming up to me with a box a cereal,and he was such a dick to him,telling him"o your with mommy,you can have anything,mommy will get you your cereal"I wanted to scream at him so bad.Does he not understand that any normal child would want that"special"cereal?Does he not understand that Ty was doing nothing wrong?Does he not understand that HE CANT DO THIS TO US ANYMORE!!!!!!God,I hate him.I told Mo that the next time I would ever talk to him would be when I am watching him suffer from all the fucking stab wounds he would have,and even then all I would say to him was "whos the stupid bitch now'?She laughed and told me that I shouldnt be so nice.Ha ha.So yeah,that was a nice little part of my day.His mom gave me info I need for court,alot of info,not really about dickhead,but about his wife and just how they live,she would be more then happy to talk to a judge,she wants Ty back with me more.How weird is that?I dont like her,or trust her,but I do belive her when she talks about Ty.She told me that she feels like she has a special bond with Ty,and at first she felt bad cuz she dosent feel it with any of the other kids,it kindof made me happy to hear that.I never thought that I gave her a chance to form any kind of bond with Ty.I look back on things and remember that I got pissed about alot of things that she said or done,cuz it was my kid,but I never complained about it,I let her do some of the things with him that made her happy.I did that with everybody.It kindof made me realize that after Ty was born...family was important.I didnt want my child to grow up like I did where everything was a secret,everything had to be done a certain way,we never were close to anyone.It didnt matter if I didnt like her,its Tylers family regardless,and I would never hurt him by taking that away,he has every right to like them or not,so now Ty is going to their house to sleepover.Its my weekend to spend with him,but he wants to hang out with his grandpa for a night,and why should I say no?He is getting older,he dosent want to spend all his time with me.He told me that he misses them,he dosent see them ever and he wants to.He asked his grandma if he slept there if his dad would be there cuz he didnt want him to be.Isnt that shitty?This child cant even see his grandparents when he is with him cuz of some strange reason.There is just not enough time for all this legal shit.Ty told me last night that he wanted to grow up like Kyle and not his dad,that he would never turn out like his dad.I asked him why Kyle,he told me that hes smart and he knows something about everything and he isnt mean.It was weird to hear that cuz Kyle and him really dont spend any alone time.Anyways,so all that bullshit happened,and I felt like shit,and to top it off,I told Kyle and he got mad at me for telling him,I just about cried over the phone with him.I felt like shit,I already got yelled at,and now hes all mad as well.I understand him being mad,but he isnt me,he isnt the one that hasto deal with it.I wouldnt think of him any different if he didnt get mad.I dont want him to beat the shit out of him,or fix this shit for me.I just thought that he would want to know.Plus I was mad...I hadto vent.He called me and told me he was thnking of me at like 1 in the morning,so that made me smile.The big black dot has not come yet,I wish it would just so I get it done and over with,plus all the "fattness"would go away then.Mo goes for her sugery on Thursday,I haveto be at her house at like 5 in the morning,but I wont complain.I think its great to have a friend that would want you to be there for them.She is scared,she said that she will probaly end up holding my hand up until she goes in.She even told her doctor to release any info to only me.Her family wont be there,and since Ben is still fucking Missie,she doesnt want to take the chance of him telling her any personal stuff.If it was me,I wouldnt care ywho the doctor told,cuz the only people that I would want there are Kyle,Ty and my folks,but then again Kyle is not fucking some girl who is trying to be my friend,at lease I hope not.....ha ha.I think I am ready to quit that place I go to almost everyday.Today I felt the need just to tell them how much the place sucked.I got asked to work tonight,I didnt even sutter when I said no.Anyways,I have done enough blabbing for a while now.I dont feel the need to realy tell anything else so until next time ......rock on 9:49 p.m. - 2003-05-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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