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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- money,court,friend matters Spent some time with Mo last night.She really needed to talk to someone about all that is going on,we are tie dying tomorrow,something I have never really done so I think it will be fun.Kyle is now going to Florida with me,actually we are going together.I am happy that we are going to be together.The last week or so I have felt this huge feelng of love for him.Like I cant get enough looks at him.I cant think about him enough,I dont know.It just seems so "normal"if that makes sense.Work is getting to me,not like it usually does,but worse.I cleaned for 6 hours the other night,didnt get back to Kyles til 4 in the morning.I got 12 bucks an hour for that,so I guess thats okay.I bartended the next night,made good money,and the I worked 10 hours the next day,and made great money.I am just so tired of that place.I want to quit,I want to quit so bad,and just go to school full time,but can I?Nope.I guess I could if I could live rent free,and bill free,or maybe just work one or two days a week.I dont know.I am starting to dread the place,something I havent felt in the whole 3 years I have been there.I just want to concentrate on school when I start,and thats it.You know,just to make sure that I can study and do good in my classes.I am afraid that i wont be able to do it all and the whole school deal is to important to me now just to say fuck it.I got dickheads tax returns this week.I went and put 500 bucks down on some of Tys medical bills,and then went to the court house to get the papers I needed,and I got my court date and all the same day.So needless to say i am expecting a call soon from him,once again screaming at me,telling me what a stupid bitch I am and all I want is his money.Im use to it,no big deal.I will ask him if hes done and just say good bye and hang up.I haveto get this shit done.I haveto get it to the point where I know I will be able to get my child back like I useto.I am going to do everything in my power to do it too.As much as I useto think that Ty needed dickhead in his life,he dosent.He never had him,so why does he need him now?Ty tells me all the time how he dosent want to be with dickhead that much,but I cant do anything about it just yet,its just not that easy.I dont think anyone really understands that.Ty gave Kyle a hug the other night while he was sleeping,it was kindof funny,but cute.So anyways I go to court on the 22nd,and I also haveto take Mo to her surgery on that day.They are going to try to save her overies,I feel so bad for her since she wanted more kids and now she really cant have any more.Its sad to know that.One of my managers at work told me that she dosent think that I would like to have more kids,I told her how wrong she was.I told her how I always wanted a huge family.It will probably never happen,but I have always wanted lots of kids,and I never once changed my mind about it.Anyways,until next time....rock on 1:36 p.m. - 2003-05-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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