|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think Im starting to ROCK again I ended up going to the park yesterday before work.Kindof weird.I was sitting there high as hell watching this guy do something to his beat up station wagon,so i kindof figured that maybe he was high.I mean,he was trying to fix something for a long time.Then I thought how funny it is how when I am high,I think everyone is high.I got into work....big mistake,I cant do that shit.I could not look anyone in the eye cuz I was so high.It was alright though.I mean,better then other times I had went into work like that.I just did what I had to do.Walked around for almost 2 hours while everyone else was busy.I didnt help though....fuck em.Then I saw John and Connie.Yeah,the happy couple who just dosent get it.What the hell?What is their problem?Why cant they understand that they CANT get along?I guess they were waving to me,I didnt wave back,I didnt say hi,I didnt even really look at them.I dont want that shit in my life anymore.I have my own problems to deal with,and I really dont want to deal with them.They just get me mad,cuz you never know when they are going to be together or not,and they both are dumb.I understand the whole love part,but I think its more of them being together for such a long time.I dont think that either of them have really realized that they dont love each other ...maybe.I dont know.All I know is that I am not hanging out with them...I cant.They cause alot of problems anyways.Its funny how all winter long,everyone goes to sleep early cuz they know they haveto work,but yet once the nice weather hits,no one really cares anymore.Kyle was talking about camping,cant wait til we can go,we always have alot of fun even if we are doing nothing.I talked to my sister about the whole Flordia deal,she said that it was cool that Kyle and I can go together,I did inform her that we would not be staying at her house though.I think she was bummed out cuz I know how she is with any guy that I am with.She acts so stpid around them,shes such a whore.Glad its not me.I am happpy that even though I went through a stage where I would perform oral sex on anyone,I am happy that I didnt actually sleep with a whole bunch of people.I nver really wanted to be a slut anyways,you know,some girls think its cool or something,I just never thought it was a good idea,even though I still ended up having a kid at 17...ha ha.Anyways,I got some smoke from somebody "new",I think I will haveto stick with him,im pretty high off 2 hits,thats cool.And I guess he always has enough on him.I have "Easter" dinner on Sunday,Im excitied that Kyle is going.I dont know why..maybe cuz its like a "family"thing.I haveto work on easter,no big deal,I dont have Ty,so what else could I do?Kyle invited me to his families,he asked me to late though since I was already working.Kyle is the only one that has never met my moms side,and they are so much better,maybe cuz they all are drunks,I am hoping he can meet them sometime soon.Its funny though,he knows my dads side,but yet he will still go to dinner with me....such a great guy.Who else would do that?I am thinking about getting a whole new computer...everything new just so I have a good one for school.I want a web cam,which I could probaly just buy one but I wont put any money into this stupid thing.I think it would be fun...I could make some money,Ill set up my own little XXX site.No,maybe not...theres to many of those.Mo and I were doing something on the computer at her house and all of a sudden this picture shows up of a horse and a girl,that was kindof gross.Why would you wanna do that?We thought it was quite funny though,we blamed it on her roomate Tex...he denied it.It was funny .We had alot of fun together,I dont know if she smokes alot,but she is a trip when she does smoke.I have noticed how I have been doing nothing but thinking.Everytime I have a spare minute to myself,I need to write stuff down,I think its because everything makes sense more.Or maybe I just dont ACTUALLY think.I hope I can keep down food by Sunday.I am so hungry for a huge dinner,I would love to cook a huge dinner,like a turkey and all the other crap,just tons of food,and then sit back and listen to everyone tell you how good it is.I like to cook,I dont understand why i never wanted to go to school for it,I think I am pretty good at it too.Theres really no money in it though,unless if you go to New York or France or whatever,I couldnt do that.Well...maybe,I am sure if I hired a lawyer,I could go.I cant wait til I can afford to do that.Hopefully soon.I dont mind dickhead seeing Ty,but man,he is getting so bad at school and it all started when dickhead got him more.Even Kyle sees that in him.It makes me so mad cuz right now,I cant do anything about it.Not even 2 years ago dickhead wanted to give his rights up,wow...what a dick.Ty really needs a good guy figure in his life right now...I cant help with that,I have realized that.I cant replace what was never there,if that makes sense.I feel so bad that I cant be there for Ty like that,but its been like that his whole life,so I think this is a good time to let Ty realize that I cant do it all by myself.I have talked and talked with him,about all this school stuff,and his blueslips..and it just dosent matter,I have told him that I dont know what to do,how can I help him..I mean,I tried and tried...and nothing.He needs a guy to show him things and get on his ass.My lower back is killing me today,I think I slept on it wrong or something.Kyle told me I should set the alarm this morning,I told him that i was getting up,but I couldnt..I just wanted to sleep forever.I finally got up,and picked up a little,and laid down on the floor.I dont know why I want to sleep so much...I think Im done crying.I hope I am.Amanda made a comment today about hooking me up with Nicks friend or something.I told her that im still with Kyle,she was like"oh..well you need to get rid of him"Man,what was that all about?Dont try to even talk to me after what you said to him and to everyone.Whatever.I just do what I haveto at work now,its weird how I never did before.Now I just have an additude when I get in the door,I keep to myself mostly,and dont offer shit to anyone.Anyways...until next time...rock on 3:26 p.m. - 2003-04-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||