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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- rough mood I think what I am going to do tomorrow is get really high and just drive and listen to my music.I havent gotten real blowed in a couple days,so I think its time.I think maybe I will find a new place to go.Somewhere nice,somewhere where there is no one,somewhere not in Racine.I slept again today,came home called Kyle back,cried and went to sleep.I was kindof rude to people at work today.I was telling my manager how i dont want to hear about anybodys bullshit,and this one girl says"me either"and then she starts telling me on how she is getting scared cuz of her surgery,and oh..what is she going to do,theres no one to help her she will be all alone,I looked at her and said"did you not hear what i said?I dont want to hear about any ones bullshit...no one...no fucking bullshit"and I walked away.She proceeded to tell me on how everyone has drama around here and shes so sick of it,so finally I told her to shut the fuck up,cuz I am sick of hearing about her drama.Yeah,I was mean,but I didnt want to hear it.Man,everyone has problems,and I dont want to deal with anyones but mine.And then I almost lost a tray,I was shaking today from whatever,I walked out the door,and there went the tray,thank god I saved the food,I probaly wouldve cried harder if I lost that.So Kris gave me some zantax,they seem to work.I dont know or care what dose they are,but they work.What am I gonna do now that she has off for the rest of the week?I think I might be mad at the whole world,I dont know,I was so rude to the people at work today and I really could care less.I snapped at Ben too.He told me not to look so sad,I told him"why dont you just fucking leave me alone?Worry about yourself"and I walked away.No today was not a good day.It was fine when I was the only one there and I could be alone...but not with anyone else.I dont want anyone acting like my friend,overall,they will end up fucking me anyways,so why be nice to anyone anymore?I am so glad I have tomorrow off,I dont think I could even work if I had to,all this crying and sleeping and doing nothing is really getting to me,because thats all I want to do now...I dont want to work,I dont want to talk to people I dont want to do anything except nothing,and I hate it.Im going to Kyles tonight....gotta be strong....gotta be strong.I dont want to cry in front of him.I dont want him to see what happens when I start to cry,I dont want to do it,and I know I will.Its to hard not to.Maybe if I just keep crying,maybe it will get easier,then again,maybe it wont. 6:59 p.m. - 2003-04-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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