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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- make the tears go away!!!! Went to sleep a while ago,woke up and laid there with my eyes closed for what seemed like forever.I wanted to just sleep,and I couldnt anymore.I only got out of bed when I realized that I wasent going to fall back asleep,and that by closing my eyes is not going to make me stop thinking about it.It actually makes it worse.He called me and asked me why work was fucked up.I told him I didnt want to talk about it.I dont want to cry damn it.What am I soppouse to tell him,that I thought someone was my friend,and that he ended up hitting on her,and that now I haveto work with this girl and be on friendly terms with her at work,and that all she does is smirk at me because she knows I am unhappy just like her?People strive on that bullshit.If someone is unhappy...they love it when they can turn a happy person into an unhappy person.So he says hes sorry..what about next time?And the time after that?What happens when he tells me that hes sorry he slept with so and so but that it wont happen again?What happens then?What fucking happens to us?I look like the stupid bitch then,all cuz I love him.Why?Why did he haveto do this to me?Everything was going fine,why did he haveto tear his watch off?I dont understand anything.WHY WHY WHY?Am I that bad of a person?Do I deserve this?I made sure he knew my love was there.I was always going out of my way for him,giving him cards,leaving him nice notes,all so I can make myself sick by crying.I want to see him so bad,I want to hold him,I want to hear him sleep,I want him,but it hurts.I dont think he could understand what I am going through,I dont think he knows how much this is hurting me.I dont want to lose him,I love this guy so damn much.I feel so empty right now,its so hard to explain how I feel.I dont want to feel this way anymore. 6:38 p.m. - 2003-04-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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