Photobucket I have said to much

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Eyes are now opened

Can I just say that I was having a great time tonight?And then Kyle comes along and gets all fucked up and talks shit.Yeah I talked shit as well,but he gave me his watch back.Fuck him.I worked so fucking hard to buy that stuipd wach.Fuck it.I am going to return.I need the extra money anyways.As much a I love him,I cant do this crap anymore.I am going to haveto be done.He hurt me way to bad tonight,and I KNOW that there are others out there that would at lease pay some fucking attention to me.This is going to be so hard to do too.He says I left him at the bar..whatever,he had his friend with.This is way to much drama for me.Hes bringing E-bay into it,and the sparaypainting,whatever.FUCK YOU.I might love ya,but I cant deal with this.You can get other people....you make that clear.Go get em',I want things differently then him I think,and I just cant fucking deal with it.Whatever,get mad at me for whatever you need to get mad at me about.Man,I worked so fuckng hard for that watch.....and for what?So I can have it back?Whatever,Ill do something with it.All this shit hurts but in the back of my head...I keep telling myself that I know that Ill find better.Its to bad though,cuz its gonna take me so long to get over him.I love this guy and I know that I wil be screwed up for a while cuz of it,but truthfully....I am not sure if I should care or not.I am tired of being treated like this.I am ignored anytime I am over there,he could care less if I am with him.Fuck it,how else can I deal with it?Hes talking about me spraypainting a car....fuck him.I wont deal with this,and I know that if I just get over him,I will find somebody better.And Amanda is no friend of mine right now.I thought she was,but shes not and that just tears me up as well.Who the fuck do I have?I think I am just going to haveto tell Ty what happened and tell him that I am going to work hard and Im sorry for having to do that,but I haveto make a better life for us,and that means being without a good figure,and I feel aful for that.My kid is what keeps me going.And now Im hurting him.I have this saying that I keep with me almost everyday,it says,

If I never met him....

I would have dreamed him

into being

And thats how I feel about Kyle.All my life I wanted someone like him,but yet,I cant be hurt.I cant do that to myself or my child anymore.Everytime,I think theres this great guy..I get my child involved,and not only do I end up huring but so does he.What kind of mom am I?I think I am done with the whole love thing.I have no ring on my finger therfor,I am able to do what I want.I guess thats the way shit hasto be.Its time to start a whole another life........by myself....God I love it when someone says they love me.

Until next time.....rock on

4:16 a.m. - 2003-04-06

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