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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the color of the day....BLACK I hate being sad,I hate being upset,I hate being stupid...I hate I hate I hate.I am so torn apart right now,like theres a millon peieces of me laying everywhere and I cant pick them up,I have no strength.We had an ugly fight early this morning,he wrote me some emails,and well...its over.I didnt hear him come over but I guess he did.I hate this.I hate crying.I am so fucking stupid,I had something good,but I fucked it up.I think I was meant to be alone for my whole life.God,I feel so empty,so yucky,I am such a dumb person.I gotta start changing my life.I am such a fucking loser.I cant even support myself and my kid.I have a job that will get me nowhere,I have like 2 friends,and no fucking car.Why does everything always end up like this for me?Was I meant to be unhappy for most of my life?Why would God do that to someone?Why would he want someone to be unhappy?If he was that great...there wouldnt be any bullshit in this world.No unhappiness,no war,no bullshit.I dont know how I am gonna fake it for Tyler today,I just keep crying.Im not even a good fucking mom.I cant do anything right anymore,and I really thought things were getting back to normal.I am so stupid. 1:47 p.m. - 2002-12-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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