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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Life or something Well I am feeling yucky these days,I know its due to the whole period,but I hate feeling this way.2 people at work are pregnant,I am happy for one,the other I dont really care about cuz she has had a kid before but put it up for adoption,plus she is still smoking weed.What a dumb thing to do.I would never do that if I were gonna have a baby.I mean,sure I would miss it,but there would be a life growing inside of me.That life relies on me for everything Maybe some people arent soppouse to have healthy kids and stuff.I would so totally take care of myself.I did with Tyler,I would with the next.So anyways,now that theres this baby boom going on,I wish so badly my life would get settled.Get married,have a family.My one friend has only been with her guy for about 6 months,he gave her a beautiful ring one week,the next week,she found out she was gonna have a kid.I am happy for her.I think she will be a good mom.I spent the night at home last night without Kyle.I issed him,but I cant keep going from one house to another when Tyler is with me.He wants to be where he can play with his toys and stuff.My friend Amanda and I are thinking about going to work out together,I think its a great idea.I like to work out,I useto do it all the time,I just stopped for some odd strange reason.I hated going by myself though,I totally felt out of place all the time.Anyways,it would boost my self esteem alot,it sure did back in the day.Connie and John are still fucking.Its funny cuz Kyle tells me he dosent want to hang out with both of them,but yet he is going to "margarita night"tonight with the both of them.Both of them are so stupid.I hope like hell it back fires on John more then Connie only cuz John has cheated on her forever,and she isnt that bad,she turned bad after she found out that he was sleeping around.I just wish things were different with them.I miss hanging out with the 2 of them and stuff.They were always good friends of mine and its so different now.I guess I just miss them being together,and not having to worry about saying shit.Kyle told me that the whore wants him to fix her wash machine,I guess he was thinking about doing it too.I dont think he is over her.I just get that feeling that everytime he talks about her,he wishes he could be with her.He tells me how they act like nothing happened and how they were good friends before anything did happen.I guess it hurts.I mean,I was best friends with Rocky and the all hell broke loose,but I sure wouldnt go and fix something for him.Maybe it just bothers me cuz I love this guy so much and maybe I dont think he loves me as much.He told me one night that his body wouldnt allow him to love me.I didnt get it.Sometimes I think I have fallen for someone again,and other times I dont.Then again,maybe I just want more then what Kyle wants.I will be the first to admit that I never knew what I wanted,but in the past year,I have found that I need what I want,if that makes sense.I need to be loved and cared for.I need to know these things,I need to feel them.I dont ask for much..the simple things,love,trust,honesty,and thats about it.I dont care about money,even though its nice,but money will never make me happy if I cant have those 3 simple things.Well thats about it.Until next time...Rock On 3:43 a.m. - 2002-11-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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