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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My own stupid self I got up this morning only to realize that I looked like shit.My eyes were so puffy from crying last night.It looked like someone had hit me in both eyes and they just didnt turn black instead they just stayed swollen.I am so upset by what happened last night.My stomach is in knots today and In feel like I am going to puke any minute.Kyle told me that we are going to haveto figure out something so that last night wont happen again.I wont let it happen again.God,why didnt I just fucking shut my mouth and listen to him?It was so my fault.Maybe if I could just talk to him,it would be easier.And maybe if he didnt sit there for like 45 minutes talking shit about me,I wouldnt of had all that anger building up in me.Last night really bothered him,which makes it harder for me to get over.I dont want to lose him cuz of a fight,I dont want him to think differently of me cuz of how things were.I want him to love me.I want him to be with me forever.I want last night to be forgotten.I am so stupid.I have came to realize that I am not going to let the past haunt me forever anymore.I am done,I am done thinking that everyone hates me and that Kyle is going to hurt me.I am so scared right now that I cant even explain it.I love this guy...I have never loved like this before,and all cuz of my stupidity,I am going to lose it.I wont let that happen.I will not let him get away.I love him way to much and I care so much about him.I am going to haveto learn not to yell when we are talking,I know I can do it.I also know that I can let him into my thoughts,I haveto do all these things not only for us but for myself.I will never be completley happy if I dont change how I am.I am promising myself that I will talk to him more,and that I will let him know when things bother me.Until next time...Rock on 3:06 p.m. - 2002-10-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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