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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The past is the past Camping was great.Kyle got trashed on Friday and ended up puking.I felt so bad for him!!!!I took care of him the best I could though.I slept there last night,went to bed before him and when he came into bed we started talking.He is so curious about the whole Rocky thing.I told him all he needs to know.IT WAS A MISTAKE!!!!!!!!Thats all it was.A friendship gone wrong,thats all.He wanted me to ask him things last night.He told me I could ask him anything I wanted.I didnt want to though,I think he got kindof disappointed.I dont need to know anything.I told him that I would find things out as time passes.Is that wrong?I mean why do I want to know how bad he has been hurt before?I dont want to get into my past with him.He will probably think I am all messed up or something.I dont need to know his past.We have all been hurt,and thats why we are not with that person anymore.The past is just that...the past.It was before me,it dosent matter,I am not like other people.I want a fucking relationship and a family and all that.I want to start a brand new life that has nothing to do wih my past,that isnt based on what things USETO be like for me,or for the other persn.I dont want to haveto worry about certain things like What if I am acting like his ex,or whatever,you know what I mean?I have grown to get to know the person Kyle is now,not what he was,and I still care for him regardless.I know he has been hurt,and I am sure that he knows I have beenn hurt,but why do I need to know how bad?I dont.My life is changing in so many ways,and I am happy with the fact that I can put my past into the garbage and not haveto look back on it.I admit that I am afraid of being hurt,I am terrorfied by it,but I haveto get passed that and the only way I can is to get rid of my past and accept that Kyle wont do that to me and he hasent yet.He is just so interested in knowing so much and I dont understand why cuz it dosent matter.I want to be with him and only him.And whatever these feeling are I have for him,they keep growing everyday and I love it.I love not having to worry about him going off,I love the fact that its so laid back.I love everything about us,and by me telling him my past or by him telling me his past,it shouldnt change anything,so why bother telling?Until next time.......Rock on 10:34 a.m. - 2002-07-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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