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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- babbling thoughts Went to John and Connies yesterday with Tyler.Me and Connie were pretty wasted for a while.We were doing cartwheels and stuff--it was funny.Tyler and I then went to Kyles house.We lit off fireworks and thats about it.Me and Kyle spent some time talking about how "this"will not be like John and Connie.And I was like"thats cool with me"Those 2 have been together for 8 years now,and all she does is bitch at him about everything and all he does is cheat on her.They have both done wrong but they have talked about it,and soppously were gonna stop all of it but their plan hasent worked yet.Why would anyone want that.I know that 8 years is a long time,but shit dont stay together if all your gonna do is talk shit to each other.I dont want that type of relationship,and I wont have one,cuz now I have realized alot of shit about the whole 8 years with Dan.Sure, he did wrong,but so did I after a while.I sat there and screamed back at him,when he screamed at me,I threw shit at him when he did it to me.It took me a while to let all that anger out on him like he did to me,but after all those years of just putting up with his shit,I couldnt take anymore.I will never let that stuff happen again.I know where I went wrong with alot of things,so I guess the saying"you live,you learn"makes sense.I have learned alot these past 2 years.In a way I have found out who I am.I think that when you are in a bad relationship,you do turn into the person the other person makes you into.You dont really mean to,it just happens that way,and unless you give yourself some time to get yourself back...you wont be 100%happy.With John and Connie,John has made her into someone who dosent trust him,who gets pissed over stupid things.And she made him into this person who just dosent give a shit cuz he knows that she will always be there..regardless. Watching them 2 always makes me think.I dont know what to think when it comes to Kyle--hes hard to figure out.I know how I feel but I have no clue how he feels about me.He says stuff sometimes but nothing to even give me a hint!!!!!I am sure that he likes me,but I dont know,sometimes I dont want him to think that I am smothering him or anything,so i let him call me all the time,even though I get afraid that he will be like"fuck that,she doesent even call me"I just dont know how he wants us to be you know?I mean,are we seeing each other,or what?Is he my boyfriend?God,I am just gonna haveto get fucked up one night and talk to him about all this!!!!!I might get my tounge done this weekend.I figured that since Tyler would be gone and I didnt haveto work---it would be the perfect time.I probably wont though.I mean,I want it done,but just dont want it to be painful!!Until next time.....ROCK ON 1:32 p.m. - 2002-07-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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