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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- wandering thoughts Well it has been some time since I wrote last.Kriss came and left,we hung out for a night--it was great to see her and it was great to feel like we never even stopped being friends.She is such a great person.Rob gave me a little bit of trouble by leaving me threatening e-mails and messages on my machine,its okay though.I found out that he was talking to some girl at the gas station he did security at anyways--more power to her!!Rocky has been kindof smothering me lately,I am calling into work today just so I can be WITHOUT him!!!He still hasto get his shit together,I just cant get caught up in something like that.He lives everyday on the money he makes at work,and then he blows it all either at the bar or on weed and then he goes to work the next day and the same thing happens.He needs to start thinking about saving some money and getting his own place.I dont know--I am really trying to help him,but shit--its hard to get him to realize stuff.I have been getting drunk everynight for the last week,I know that I am getting out of hand,so I made a promise to myself that I will cut down on going out and I am going to stop smoking.I want to get healthy and stuff,I want to be able to have tons of energy so I can do more with Tyler.Speaking of my kid---GOD I miss him!!!Dan took him for a week!!!What the hell is that?That fucker didnt want anything to do with Ty when we were together and now all of a sudden he realizes that he CAN have fun with his son.He came over to pick him up and was looking at some pictures on my wall and he asked me about one of Tyler when he was like a year old,and he asked me who it was--and I was just like---THATS YOUR KID!!! See what you missed you fucker!!I am so angry that he is like this now.Mary has 2 kids of her own plus the one she is having with Dan,and I guess I am mad cuz maybe she got Dan to realize that his son id great--but why couldnt he do it with me?I spent 8 years with him!!!!I dont think that I will ever get over him.I really think that I truley did love him,I know I did,cuz I think about him all the time and I always think that there is still a chance--even though in the back of my head--I know that its over for good.I mean,shit--he is getting married to Mary!!!!I just always think about how young we looked when we first got together and how we look now,and how everyone thought that we would always be together.Sometimes I even think that he wants it back to how it useto be,you know living together and stuff,he told me that we should share the dog sice we gotta share Tyler--Ha ha.I know I still love him--I just had to get out of all that violent shit,God,he really did a number on me by hitting me all those times.Well I am not on my anti-deppressants,havent took one for a week now and that is probably why I have been thinking about him lately.Hes the reason I got on them in the first place.At lease I dont see it as I wasted 8 years of my life anymore--cuz I sure did learn alot from those 8 years,at lease I will never allow a guy to hit me ever again.Well ,my sister is moving to Flordia soon,I am saving to visit her--at lease she got out of this town,and now she is even going further--I wish I could do it-Dan wouldnt allow it though.Well I guess thats it--I gotta call into work now.Til next time,,,,,, 12:34 p.m. - 2002-03-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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