-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I did it to myself

I always wanted tons of children.I never believed in abortion.I always belived in pixies and fairy tales and happy endings.Funny what life can do to you.Make you stop believing.I made up my mind about having children.Finally I have made my mind up about something.
About anything.And now after all that thinking?It might just be all fucked up.I dont belive in abortion but....BUT...what else would I be able to do?My kid is almost there.Six more years and he is 18.And I will be 35.Still young,still mature yet not enough.Why start all over?Because I FUCKED up.Thats why.Yet there are choices.Choices I never thought that I would even think about.Until now.I cant do it.Even adoption.I couldnt take care of myself long enough to care.To care about anything and nothing.If I was to give up a child...why go through with it?Why take care of myself just to give up?Give up everything I just went through?Then again,why not give up?Why not just give up from the very start?I dont know.I dont know what I will do.I have no fucking clue.And right now....thats scaring the shit right out of me.And you know what?It should.

10:36 p.m. - 2006-04-03

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next