|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Follow the shitty road **Nothing I Know Changes Me** I have been noticing how Amanda is changing,and she is changing into the worst way,and it bothers me but I dont care if it bothers me,I dont care if I stop being friends with her.I went to the bar the other night and cried my ass off,and she didnt even care...she didnt want to take me home...she wanted to go to Kevins and how I couldnt let her go by herself but yet,here I am totally bawling my eyes out and it dosent even matter to her.Was she ever my friend in the forst place?I have been trying to understand it all,I invite her over way before we go out,just so we can have a couple extras,but I have been noticing the same things over and over,and it makes me feel like shit knowing that she may have never been a friend. **I swear I will go on forever** Kyle,Kyle,Kyle.Those favorite words.Those hurtful words,those words that I love to hear.Its all I have been saying lately.And then Josh comes in,and how he was there,how he was my friend,and how he is still is.Sometimes I am afraid that Josh will somehow think that I have stopped loving Kyle and I want to tell him,that people learn to love again,and it dosent matter if they loved before or whatever,what matters is that they have learned to do it again,and that is hard enough.Its hard to start to enjoy things again,that you never thought you could enjoy again,I can honestly say that I am lost without the both of them.Both of them are gone in a way,just that one comes back from time to time and makes you feel great again. **Im always wanting you** I have been trying to get myself to visit Kyle.I want to buy this huge sunflower,plant it in the ground,right above him,so NO ONE will miss him.Everyone one will see this beautiful flower that will be beautiful,because he is,and will always be.I miss him so horribaly these days,I miss everything about him and it sucks because it hurts and I hate that feeling.And sometimes I wonder if Josh feels the same way. **Nights Like This** Its weird how things have been happing...all these feelings I have been feeling.I have lost what I thought was a friend,I have lost Josh for the time being,and I have lost Kyle....there was no one else,no one else I really thought was my friend.I had Moe,but I dont even see her anymore and it sucks,and I dont even understand where it all went wrong,but now I dont even call her,and I miss her.I love her to death.I have lost everybody.And it feels like shit. 8:35 p.m. - 2004-04-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||